Holiday Guilt

I went to my first spin class of the year on Thursday and was, of course, exhausted about 10 minutes in.

At the end of the class, the instructor said something really interesting. He said everyone is so tired because we're feeling guilty about the food we ate over the holidays. At first this seemed like complete gibberish (like what do YOU know about what I've eaten) but then he explained. He said we're spending so much of our energy on guilt and negativity that it's sapping our energy levels to do other things. We think that working out is just about physical energy but it's affected by emotional energy as well. Given that I felt guilty throughout the holidays, I think his theory has some validity.

I am so ashamed to admit that I am going back to Weight Watchers this week. From the end of last year, my eating (or rather, my constant snacking) was getting out of control and took a turn for the worst in the December holidays. My heart jumped out my chest when I got on the scale just after Christmas and found that I was 5 kilos heavier than my goal weight. My stomach was so big that for a second I honestly thought I could be pregnant.

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to maintain my weight. It feels like I've thrown all my hard work in the garbage. It seems like I've moved 5 steps back.

Thankfully, since getting home and going back to my normal routine, I'm only 3 kilos over my goal weight. However, I still feel fat, my jeans are still tight, I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm determined to get back to my goal this year but, as I've stated so many times before, every day is a struggle. I've watched a lot of documentaries where they say food is an addiction. I never really understood that until now. I eat constantly. Not because I'm hungry, not because I'm sad, I just eat to eat. I'm finally understanding the depths of the situation that weight loss maintenance is a lifelong battle.

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Bingo Wings

I have this problem... It seems inconsiderate assholes are somehow drawn to me, as if they can sense my insecurities from a mile away like a shark smells blood. A few weeks ago I found myself sitting on a bench in complete shock with a needle sticking out my arm (I give blood every few months at work).

Moments before...
The male nurse tightened a pressure cuff round my arm, and all the excess flab compressed into the uncanny resemblance of a squished marshmallow. He asked, "Were you always this size or did you lose weight?" I hesitantly replied, "I lost weight... Why? How do you know?"

He responded, "I can tell by your arms."
At this point I already had a needle jabbed in my vein so I couldn't get up to slap him across the face.

This man has obviously never had a girlfriend because then he'd know to not comment on a woman's body or to carry on putting his foot in it...

He continued, "You know how you can fix it... (oh please DO tell) ...with bicep curls."
I literally had no words for this man... he felt the need to criticize my body and tell me how to "fix" my imperfections.

So thanks, dickhead, for commenting on my hideous arms and making me feel even more self-conscious than I already am.

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Maintenance Update #2

I've been struggling to write this post because everything I think of sounds terrible. I've been re-reading my old posts and, to be honest, 6 months later I still feel the same. As one of my New Year resolutions, I said I would only step on the scale on Fridays. Guess what? After the last maintenance update I've been checking my weight every single day. If you're following my insta account, then you know my body fat percentage has gone from 22% in December to 25% in May. Not only was this hugely demotivating, but it made me paranoid that I'm moving backwards on this journey. My goal is still a body fat percentage of 20 (and I feel confident that I will reach it eventually) but every day is a struggle - often mingled with feelings of anxiety and guilt.

I still feel like I'm fat (or at least fatter than most people). Why is it that other people - who weigh the same as me or even more - have a completely flat stomach and I still have a flabby muffin top? I know we all have different bodies, but really? This seems unfair. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how long it will take to undo 25 years of damage. Will I ever reach my goals?

Sometimes the most unexpected things upset me the most. When a friend says "you're so lame" after I refuse a shot. When a family member says "you're taking this too far". I might be overly sensitive, but those words play on my mind. I start to wonder if they're right... I wake up at 5 for gym and finish work at 6. I cook, I do dishes, I go to sleep. Repeat. I start to question what my life has become - Am I boring now? What do I do with my time? Do my friends even like me? I realise that many people won't understand my journey - and that's fine - but it still hurts when what I deem hard work is met with criticism and disdain.

What did I tell you? It all sounds terrible. It sounds as if between cooking, work, and the gym, I sit in my room weeping. This is not the case. After maintaining my goal weight for 6 months... I'm proud. I'm confident. I celebrate small victories.

I'm really happy with how my relationship with food has changed. It's the little things that I'm most proud of: knowing that I need a colourful plate of food with 50% veggies, eating a big breakfast full of healthy protein. I've changed my frame of mind from a life of indulgence to a life of balance. Well, I'm slowly getting there at least. I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry and not when I'm stressed, and not when I'm bored. I fail miserably a lot of the time but, the point is, I'm more aware of it now.

I like how I'm pushing my body. People love to comment "oh you're taking it too far, you're pushing yourself too much" but I'm doing things with my body that I never thought was possible for me. I never thought I'd start pole dancing, hanging upside down, and holding on for dear life with the back of my leg. It makes me feel brave and in control of my own life, and I think that's what people don't understand. My friends and family see it as fitness taking over my life, but I see it as me taking back control of my own health, body, and fitness.

I have this stuck on my fridge: Don't be scared to be alone. Goals are personal. No matter what issues I have regarding my family, my friends or my body image... I'm stronger than I was 6 months ago, I'm pushing harder, and that's all that matters.

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Annoying things people say #6

A few weeks ago, I went to Durban for my uncle's 60th birthday. There were over 200 people in attendance so, needless to say, I hadn't seen some people for many years.

If you've read any of my other "annoying things" rants, then you know that people in Durban grind my gears. There must be something in the water that makes people say things that are just not okay. A brief snapshot:

Scene 1:

Dad's friend: So you're still training? When are you going to stop?

Me: Never, it's a part of my life now.

Dad's friend: But you've reached your peak. Aren't you getting obsessed now?

Scene 2:

Mom's friend: You look so beautiful, I can't get over it. You look like a completely different person!

Scene 3: 

Aunt: So how's your diet going?

Me: (at this point starting to lose my cool) I'm not on a diet.

Aunt: But you know what I mean, are you still on your eating plan?

Me: I'm not on an eating plan, this is my life. I eat like a normal person.

Aunt: Well you still look good so you must still be on your eating plan.

Scene 4: 

Everyone: You mustn't lose any more weight now.

Did I ask for your damn opinion?

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Eat More Food

Can you believe that two years ago I didn't like avo? Now I literally can't live without it. If there was an apocalypse that wiped out all the avocados on earth... and I was forced to have dry avo-less toast in the mornings... I would probably give up my body to science rather than live an existence without that green goodness. Probably.

My point is... I gave avo another shot. When I was younger I think I didn't like the texture of it - I found it a little slimy. Now I try new produce all the time, and I try preparing foods I don't like in a different way. If you restrict your diet and eat the same thing all the time, you stand the risk of getting bored and eventually giving up. By eating a variety of different foods and experimenting with them, you have a higher chance of successfully changing your lifestyle and eating habits :)

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G&T on Insta!

Gym & Tonic is finally on Instagram! I'm posting everyday things from my new maintenance lifestyle - quick recipes, meal ideas, smoothies, and some fitspiration. 

Insta handle: @gym.and.tonic.blog

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Maintenance Update

Since reaching my weight goal almost two months ago, I've put on almost two kilos.
I'm not trying to make excuses, but I believe this weight gain can be attributed to two major changes in my life:

1. I changed jobs

The new job is very demanding. Long hours, tight deadlines. I've been eating a LOT of snacks and especially sugary foods to pick me up at 5pm.

I only get home at 6.30 (at best). This means I cook late, eat late, and then sleep on a full stomach. It's the WORST thing you can do for weight maintenance - or even your health in general.

2. I've been doing weight training 5 days a week

This isn't permanent, thank god. Since January, my trainer has wanted us to get our strength back (post-festive season) and move up a level (get off the plateau). This means I've been getting up at 5 almost every single day to do strength training... and THAT means no time or energy for cardio.

I'm sad that I haven't quite managed to maintain my goal weight, but I'm happy I've recognized and addressed my issues before it can get any worse. By the end of March I'll be back to my evening cardio routine, and I plan to stop eating carbs past 5pm.

I've discovered how hard it can be to maintain your weight when you're super stressed - I get out of a 3 hour meeting and just want to stuff my face with all the carby sugary cheesy goodness this universe has to offer. You forget all your goals, you forget you're trying to stay healthy - all that your heart desires is to drown your problems in decadent indulgence. I have a long journey ahead of me and a LOT of learning to do.

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What's your name again?

So there I am walking through the camp site of a local trance festival...

Me: Hey!! Devon! How are you??

Devon: Oh hey... I'm good, how are you?

Me: I'm great! *goes in for the hug*

[mid hug]

Devon: Sorry, what's your name again?

Me: Nikita

Devon: Nikita... OH! Craig's room mate Nikita! You look amazing! I didn't recognize you at all! I just thought you were one of those festival chicks!

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New Year Resolutions

This week was my very last day at Weight Watchers. After you've reached your goal weight, you have to maintain it for 6 weeks to become a lifetime member. By some miracle, I have managed to maintain 54.8kg through a holiday of hotel buffets, very little exercise, and New Year's indulgence.

 

What better way to kick off the new year? Starting the year at a happy, healthy goal weight...
My immediate feeling, however, was not one of elation, but rather of fear. I've spent exactly two years of my life on Weight Watchers. Every Monday afternoon I would attend a weigh-in wearing the lightest clothing I could find and get on the scale with fingers crossed. What do I do now? How do I proceed to live a normal life?

I'm not usually one for new year's resolutions, but this year I'm making an exception. To help maintain my weight (and keep my sanity) I'm setting new goals to work towards. For starters, I want to change my habits at the gym. When I was still trying to lose, I would compulsively get on the scale every single day. I would get on pre-workout, post-workout, post-pee... I tried desperately to change the numbers flashing at me. So this year I'm only stepping on the scale on Fridays.

I'm also endeavouring to put more effort into my appearance. What's the use in losing all this weight but still keep my outdated baggy clothing? I'm trying to make calculated decisions when it comes to clothing purchases - no more baggy dresses, no more lace, no more drab colours. I'm trying to start a whole new wardrobe of mature, well-fitted clothing that will make me feel as different as I look.

My journey to clean eating has been a slow but steady process. Every now and then I'll stuff my face with oily, salty goodness (often referred to as chips), but for the most part I eat pretty well. Clean eating means avoiding refined, processed foods and rather eating real whole foods like lean proteins, whole grains, and plenty fruit and veg. This wonderful woman Shira Bocar is the goddess of delicious clean recipes and I hope to cook more like her this year.

Lastly, I have two main fitness goals:
1. To do a full wide-armed pull up without assistance.
2. To do a free handstand without the wall.
Seems easy enough? Well, it's not. You go try that handstand. It's a bitch.

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Water! How Much Water To Drink To Lose Weight? Burn Fat And Lose Weight naturally:

Massive Weight Loss with water, benefits of water in fat burning:

How much water to drink to lose weight when you look at people who lose weight
easily and have great but
the amount of water they drink is a key factor you'll be amazed at the benefits
that drinking the correct the model water can bring
study show that almost half of the population
drinks less water than the daily requirement leading people to a
permanent state and the hydration so let's begin by reviewing that negative effects and
drinking less water than you need
starting with the ones that are preventing you from losing weight.

 

9 devastating effects of drinking too little water:

 I'm making new store bat more easily 9 devastating effects of drinking too little water:

 Number-1:

Headache

Number-2:

Stomach  acidity.

Number-3:

Toxin accumulation

Number-4:

Constipation

Number-5:

 Increased appetite that body tensed seduced appetite
as a side dehydration making it very hard to follow a diet properly

Number-6:

Difficulty to turn carbohydrates into energy in order to metabolize
one gram of carbohydrate three games and water are needed otherwise
carbs easily get stored as body there.

Number-7:

 Increased with a fluid retention due to lack of water
your body retains in stores as much as they can from the little water you get
it the result is a flaccid appearance in weight gain.

Number-8:

Fttalled weight loss in fat burn
water plays an essential role if that metabolism
when the body systems are working properly the liver transplant stored
body fat in the energy but when in a dehydrated state it more difficult for
the kidneys to cleanse the blood delivers das bernie that they help
 the kidneys do their job .

Number-9:

Slowed down metabolism as the digestive systems
unable to carry out its processes correctly the capacity to burn calories
is drastically reduced in consequence under these circumstances
weight loss is almost impossible but Gardner's
up the amount exercis  you do I think that now that you know these nine
negative affects you have an advantage over people who are unaware this information
now you know why people who drink enough water burn fat and lose weight more
easily than those who don't but what is the correct water intake to lose weight
keep my body burning fat.

 

 Recommend to you:

I recommend starting with the minimum a a class today however the correct
 amount of water you should take
will increase depending on how overweight you are use the following
indicator as a rule of thumb if you're hearing is not transparent
you need to drink more water the sole exception to this rule
is a new purse get up in the morning because you're in concentrate overnight
generally the optimal amount of water needed
berries roughly between a gallon and a gallon and a half mailing
drink wanted two glasses before every meal and carry a gallon jug with you
whenever you work out or leave your home.

It is the easier it will be for your body to lose weight I hope you like this video
and found it helpful remember to visit the link below it you're looking for
more valuable information
until next time

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7 Unexpectedly AWFUL things that happen when you lose weight

It's not all sunshine and roses on the other side.

1. You are more aware of your body and it's flaws than ever before. Before I lost the weight, I was just fat... there was nothing else wrong with me. Now I see the flabby arms, the wobbly belly, the stretch marks. Even on my skinny legs I see the fat when I'm sitting cross-legged.

2. You will need a push up bra. These holidays my mother said to me, "God you really are flat now." Thanks... real confidence-booster, Mom.

3. Your relationships change. The moment my ex said "I'm not making fitness a priority anymore" I knew we no longer had anything in common. I really enjoyed working out together as a couple and he just thought it was boring.

4. You overthink every compliment you get. "You look great now!" Wait, how the hell did I look before?

5. You start to feel that your weight loss is your only worth. My current whatsapp profile picture is one of me scuba diving. A friend commented on it - not about my experience scuba diving, not that it's a nice picture. What did she say? "Where was this taken? Your legs are so thin."

6. People think it's their right and their job to tell you what to do with your body. A really close friend of mine just won't let it go - apparently my ears look big now, my face looks gaunt, I'm taking the weight loss too far, and if I put on 10 kilos then I'll be perfect. I'm sorry you feel that way but it's MY body and I'm going to do what I want.

7. People think you're not as fun as you used to be - I don't really drink anymore, I sleep early, I make gym a priority on Saturday morning. For most people, that means you're boring as fuck.

Shape magazine perfectly summarised these feelings in their article 6 Stages of Weight Loss Grief

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5 Unexpected things that happen when you lose weight

1. Certain food and drinks are too sweet for you now. I can NOT drink ciders or my old poison rum & coke. It's like eating sugar straight up.

2. Your clothes don't fit anymore. Yes, this one is obvious, but it still comes as a surprise! No matter how much you desperately cling to your favourites, you have to let them go sometime.

3. Even your rings and shoes no longer fit. Who knew you lost fat in your fingers?!

4. You feel the damn cold. All that blubber insulation is gone.

5. You can't stop checking out your muscles. Okay, so I don't have big scary guns or anything... but I have very defined calves and thighs. When your teenage cousin says, "Geez Nik, your legs are so dak!" then you must know.

My recent feature in BONA magazine. Aaaalll the legs.

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New Year. New You. New Start? The Choice is Yours.

Upon reading posts on Facebook, browsing pins on Pintrests, and seeing pictures on Instagram, I find that that "new years" often makes people cynical. There are those that mock the "new year, new me" mentality, and then there are people who are desperate for it. I see both sides. 

What I believe most about a "new year" is that nothing in your life will change or be different unless you are willing to work for it. Circumstances do not change unless you do.

Here we are six days into 2015. I feel tried. I am worn out from the holidays. Work has been as crazy and hectic as ever; and I find myself stating that constantly. I believe I need to come to the conclusion that is not going to change. Parallel to work, there was copious amounts of travel, lack of sleep, lots of food, and RLS flare-up's. 

I think a lot of us feel worn out from the holidays and sad that they are over. Therefore, a "new year" mentality is just the bit of hope to get one back on track and provide a goal to work and hope for. Right now, I need that. 

But then I remember that everyday is a new start if you give it that power. No matter how many times you have slipped on your diet, said "no" to a workout, bought that purse when you needed to save the money... everyday is another chance to get it right. Everyday is another chance to try again. Do not focus on that bad choices of yesterday, focus on how you can make positive choices today... right now.

That is what I am going to do. I have let loose, enjoyed myself thoroughly, and now I need to get back to work. Life is all about "finding the balance", and I am glad I enjoyed myself and veered off of my normal tightly structured schedule, as it enabled me to breathe and try new things, which also resulted in me missing my structure! For a while I was bored of it... now I crave it. 

This is a new year, and it is bringing an abundance of changes for me-- a big part is sharing my life with someone else now. Which in itself is a fun, new journey, though stressful at times. 

Take control and be kind to yourself. A lot of people are in that "after holiday" slump. Ease into a new routine that implement the changes you want to make in your life. Diving in too hard into those changes can result in drowning yourself -- crashing and burning. Changing a little at a time creates consistency and consistency is what forms habits. That is what your new changes need to become -- a habit, something you always find yourself doing. That is how I lost weight. That is how I fell in love with exercising. That is how I changed the way I look at myself. Those positive changes that resulted into new habits are what make it easier for me to reset my mind and fall back into a healthy structure. 

So, here we go. From my oily, greasy hair that is carelessly thrown into a bun with my coffee stained pants, I say Happy 2015 and let's make it the best yet. 

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3 Ways I Help Myself When I Lose My Weigh (Get it?)

The real world has been kicking my butt this week. I am so, so tired. I normally thrive and appreciate the hectic days in my office, but this week they are drowning me. I am normally liberated at new blogging opportunities and posts, but this week they are exhausting me. My mom was in town Monday through yesterday, which helped, and was so nice to have. I let loose a little and enjoyed time with her. 

What has been bothering me most-- a lot of the reason why I am more tired than usual, and why I have had so much trouble sleeping lately is my RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). I was diagnosed in February. I started showing symptoms a year before though, but they were sporadic and did not happen often. At the time, I attributed the symptoms to overworking myself at the gym. 

It feels like ever since I was diagnosed I have issues nearly every night when I get into bed, which is horrible for me because I absolutely love sleep, and I ensure I get plenty of it nightly. It is rare that I let anything interfere with my sleep schedule. For my RLS, I have been on prescribed medication from my doctor as well engaging in a plethora of "home remedies" that my friends and readers have advised to me. Most of the time, that entire combination helps, but sometimes it doesn't. 

Saturday and last night it did not. I was up all night in so much pain. It is so hard to describe the pain to people: it is not an ache or pulled muscle type of pain, it is nerve pain. It is agony to lay still. The only relief I find is when I get up and walk around; which last night I did until 2 in the morning. By then, all of my sleep medication kicked in and knocked me out. Which is great, but I have felt horrible today: fatigued, unable to concentrate, falling asleep at my desk, and my RLS pain is still active. It carried on from the night and is still hurting as I am in my office. I keep getting up to stretch my legs that provides provides relief, but the pain sneaks right back in when I become still. 

Being sleep deprived affects me more than others sometimes. A lot of people are used to it, and their bodies and mind have adjusted. Unfortunately, I am not at that stage. Since I am a very high energy, outgoing, nonstop kind of person, I wear myself out a lot. I have admitted that on here many times. My remedy is sleep. When I am deprived from this, I can maybe be a bit dramatic and overbearing. Hell, I may even act like a 2 year old who needs a nap. I admit it, though. I am not proud. It is just one of my many flaws. 

I was dealing with the sleep deprivation over the weekend and on Monday and now I am back again plowing through it today. When I feel this way, it makes me lose sight of everything. I am a person who has never had balance in their life. It has always been all or nothing. Thus, over the past year, I have been working extensively to teach myself a life balance. 

I have gotten so, so much better, but I am still not where I want to be.

When I find myself slipping and losing my way-- losing vision of my goals, I need motivation to help me get over this internal negativity. 

Below is what I have done to help lately. It may be "over the top" to some, but for me, it's perfect. I am a woman on a mission, I am a woman who is fighting emotional eating, and I am a woman who still has 30 pounds to lose. I am also a woman who is working on improving the way I handle tasks and stress. 

Some of us truly need this extra, grandiose motivation. 

Food Motivation:

Print that picture above (I think the black background and white font just make it so intense and like it's really challenging you) and put it on your refrigerator, near your purse and/or wallet, at your desk-- wherever you need too. 

It may sound silly, but I promise you it works. There is nothing quite like reaching for that slice of chocolate cake after you already had a slice yesterday, and seeing something like that. It ruins the mood. It kills the cravings.

I am all about losing weight the healthy way-- a person needs their occasional bad food and cheat meal(s), however, if you're like me and stress eat, binge when life gets hard, or just have an issue with saying "no" to bad foods more often than you want to admit, something like this will help. It is a reminder of the measures you are taking to try and lose weight and become healthier.

Seeing something that like that puts my journey into perspective for me when a bad day or overbearing food craving start to take over and cloud my judgement.

Exercise Motivation:

I love to exercise. The high that comes from sweating and pushing your body's limits while blasting your favorite music, to me, is indescribable. I absolutely love training. 

But sometimes, my case of the "blah's" after a long day of work or stress, outweigh my my love for exercise. That is when I have to dig deep inside of myself and kick my own ass. Which is unbelievably hard as I am sure most of you know. That is why it can be so difficult to stay motivated.

When this happens, you have to look deep within yourself. It is not easy. This is the number 1 one reason why so many people give up on their weight loss journey: the lack of self-motivation. Motivation cannot be bought. Motivation cannot be taken with a glass of water to start your day each morning. 

Motivation comes from constantly cheering yourself on and making yourself mentally stronger. That is why I think the above picture is perfect to print and keep for those days when you lose sight, and most importantly, when you lose hope.

• I started because everyday I could not look in the mirror without crying.
• I would shower with the lights off because my naked body disgusted me. 
• I started because I was in Target trying on a size 18 in pants that did not fit and I broke down. 
• I started because I felt so tired all of the time. 
• I started because my passion and work ethic for life dissipated on a daily basis..
• I started because I wanted to FEEL good about myself.

When I remember how bad I used to feel, and how desperately I wanted to change, it helps me push on. I may be weary, I may be cussing and crying, but I push on. 

Eventually, you reach the finish line. You pushed yourself: you made healthy choices, and you attended that workout you so vehemently wanted to miss. That is when everything changes. The endorphin's are pumping, your confidence is built back up, and you now how the strength to keep going. 

Goal Motivation

There is nothing that makes a journey so real than seeing what you could be-- what you WILL be. One thing I have done for years now and continue to do, is carry pictures of my favorite fitness inspirations; be it on my phone, on my refrigerator, desk, or somewhere in my home. My two favorite women are Ava Cowan and Pauline Nordin. They remind me that what I want is possible if I work hard enough. When my passion for fitness began in late 2008, those two women stood out to me more in the magazines than anyone else. I have been inspired ever since. 

If they can do it, damn it, so can I. They are women and I am a woman. It's simple-- if I put in the work and dedication, I will get the same results.

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