Holiday Guilt

I went to my first spin class of the year on Thursday and was, of course, exhausted about 10 minutes in.

At the end of the class, the instructor said something really interesting. He said everyone is so tired because we're feeling guilty about the food we ate over the holidays. At first this seemed like complete gibberish (like what do YOU know about what I've eaten) but then he explained. He said we're spending so much of our energy on guilt and negativity that it's sapping our energy levels to do other things. We think that working out is just about physical energy but it's affected by emotional energy as well. Given that I felt guilty throughout the holidays, I think his theory has some validity.

I am so ashamed to admit that I am going back to Weight Watchers this week. From the end of last year, my eating (or rather, my constant snacking) was getting out of control and took a turn for the worst in the December holidays. My heart jumped out my chest when I got on the scale just after Christmas and found that I was 5 kilos heavier than my goal weight. My stomach was so big that for a second I honestly thought I could be pregnant.

I feel like a complete failure for not being able to maintain my weight. It feels like I've thrown all my hard work in the garbage. It seems like I've moved 5 steps back.

Thankfully, since getting home and going back to my normal routine, I'm only 3 kilos over my goal weight. However, I still feel fat, my jeans are still tight, I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm determined to get back to my goal this year but, as I've stated so many times before, every day is a struggle. I've watched a lot of documentaries where they say food is an addiction. I never really understood that until now. I eat constantly. Not because I'm hungry, not because I'm sad, I just eat to eat. I'm finally understanding the depths of the situation that weight loss maintenance is a lifelong battle.

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Happy Holidays!! :)

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you enjoy a nice holiday with family and friends! Don't forget to stay warm!! Thank you for your support this holiday season!! My gift to you is another throwback article, so here is an article I wrote over a year ago. Enjoy the cringe...

In Glasgow the representatives for team USA will be:

Simone Biles 
Gabby Douglas
Brenna Dowell
Madison Kocian
Maggie Nichols
Aly Raisman
MyKayla Skinner

Six of these athletes will be competing, one will be a traveling reserve. Non-traveling alternates are Bailie Key and Alyssa Baumann.


I am pretty happy with the representatives chosen. They are all very talented gymnasts, and I'm expecting to see very high scores from these girls.


- fan #1




I'm happy with the men's team. I hope they can medal even without Sam. Paul should help on high bar.

- fan #2


YAY! Brenna finally made the team!!!!! 😃 I've been waiting for this....

- fan #3



I wish Alyssa could be on the team with Madison. However, I'm sure the US can still do great even without Alyssa's beam work. Mykayla Skinner should also help on vault and floor. This is a great team that I'm sure will do great. I hope all of them can make some sort of individual finals. Good luck to them all!


- fan #4


All the athletes (men and women) work hard and are fantastic athletes.!

-fan #5





Thanks to all the fans who commented their ideas! :). 


If you would like to have your thoughts featured in the next "Fan's Thoughts" please comment below your ideas on the announcement of the worlds team. :)


Thank you all for reading and enjoy a nice rest of the holiday season with your family!! :)

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Let's Chat: January Happenings

It is hard to believe that today is January 12th -- it's nearly the middle of the month! I wish time would slow down. The days seem to be passing by so quickly. Today's blog post is a bit random and in the style of my "Let's Chat" posts. 

First, I want to start with my dad. Most of my friends and nearly everyone who reads my blog knows of the cancer battle my father has been fighting. It started in 2006 in his kidney's. One of his kidney's were removed and he remained cancer free until he almost died in September of 2011. Thank God for the incredibly gifted doctor's at Duke Hospital who saved his life. 

Since then, my father has been fighting terminal cancer. It's in his brain, the bones in his legs, his pelvis, and now it has started aggressively spreading through his liver. He was scheduled for surgery last Thursday on the rod that is in his right leg (the cancer has eaten away the bone). The surgery was immediately cancelled due to a CT scan that showed all of the cancer found in his liver.

I received the call on Wednesday night about all of the findings. The doctor's will not be able to operate on my father anymore. I cried myself to sleep and took the next couple of days to process the information. For years now, my family has been on the rollercoaster of great news, devastating news, great news, devastating news, and now we have received the biggest reality check of it all. 

I hear of cancer killing people all of the time, but I never thought I would have to deal with it, especially right now. I feel like I was 16 yesterday. It was just yesterday that my father and I were fighting over my curfew and what I could wear. I love him so much and I just cannot believe his health has turned into this so quickly. He has told me repeatedly he does not want to die. He has fought so hard and remained so damn strong, positive, and optimistic throughout this, and to see that it is finally coming to this breaks my spirit, my heart, and my soul.

There is nothing I can do to make it better. I can remind him of how much I love him and send little gifts... but does that take away his fear? I can not imagine knowing that I am going to die soon, especially since I know my father wants so desperately to live. There is still so much we have to do... I need him to walk me down the aisle, I want him to become a grandparent. I want to share all of this with him. However, I have to come to the realization that I will not be that lucky.

The past few days of knowing this information has been hard but I have been praying constantly. I made a status on Facebook and I am asking for prayers on my blog, too. I know there is nothing that can be done to make this cancer magically disappear, but if anyone reading this can pray for my father to find peace, strength in his soul, and to feel God's warmth and protection around him, I would truly appreciate it.

A couple of months ago, I was getting ready for work in my bathroom, and I accidentally hit my phone. This resulted in my phone falling screen first on my tile floor. Because it did not have a case on it (that broke a few weeks prior), it cracked badly and since then, little pieces of the screen have been slowly chipping away. I had been using my phone cracked, all while lazily looking over my options. 

On Friday morning at work, I dropped my phone again, and it finally bit the dust. I immediately freaked out because the phone had completely died and I found out I did not have insurance on my account (why? I have no idea). I broke down in my bosses office because I was still a nervous wreck over my father. Now could not be a worse time to be without a phone.

I was touched by an angel, though. I went to Verizon and they let me upgrade my phone four months early, and provided a free "Lifeproof" phone case (which is just like having insurance on your phone). I have a ton more memory on my 5S. I was most thankful because it was a heavy and completely unexpected expense. 

When Johnathan and I arrived home from visiting our families for Christmas, I had my first ever experience "dumpster diving" (I guess you could say). 

My neighbor had a gorgeous black table he was throwing away. It was in perfect condition besides being a little dirty. J asked him if I could have it and my neighbor was more than happy to rid of it. I cleaned and polished it, added decor, and placed it behind my love seat. I think it fits perfectly and I am so happy to have it in my apartment!

Speaking of home decor, my brother and sister-in-law gave me two new Marilyn Monroe pictures to add to my obsession-- I mean collection. I love the quote on the below picture and think it looks perfect on my mini book shelf.

New Year's Eve was low key for J and I. I worked a half day and with it being the end of the month, I was absolutely exhausted by the time I left. Accounting is no fun on the last day of the month, and because of the holidays and a surplus of absenteeism, those of us who worked were in especially stressed and rotten moods. 

Thus an evening at J's mom's in the beautiful mountains of Lake Lure were exactly what we needed. We had a relaxing night with beautiful scenery and great snacks. 

This past weekend was difficult. After the news of my father then my phone, I was drained on Friday night. Saturday I felt OK during the day so J and I went to our friends house to watch the Panther's game. After 45 minutes or so, I felt myself growing increasingly weak and shaky and I proceed to throw up 3 times. How wonderful, right? This was after the heel of my favorite boots fell off walking in their house. This was me completely sober too; no wine or anything. I couldn't believe. 

After that we went home, and I was down all day yesterday and today I am still feeling naseous and light-headed. I hope my body is working hard at fighting off any flu that may be trying to lurk; I have never had it before and I do not want to start now. 

I will leave you with a couple of weekend pictures and cute pictures of Marty (since it's been a while).I'll write more this week. What's going on with you guys?

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Thanksgiving dinner—a memo for next year

I hope that those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving had a wonderful time last Thursday—we certainly did. My parents were visiting from France, and we prepared our first ever traditional Thanksgiving dinner together. We usually jump on the occasion of a 4-day weekend to travel around the US, but staying home with family and cooking all day was actually quite enjoyable (as always!).

We prepared no fewer than 8 dishes from scratch, using recipes we had never tried before, with lots of unfamiliar ingredients and techniques. Quite a challenge... But everything turned out great. Before I forget, let me write down what we cooked. This will come in handy a year from now... Or sooner...

We started with dessert, using this butternut squash pie recipe from High Ground Organics farm, but with orange kabocha squash, heavy whipping cream, and this pie crust. I had roasted the squash and taken a ball of pie dough out of the freezer the night before, and was ready to go in the morning.

Before lunch I had also made corn bread, half of which got used in the stuffing, and the other half served with the appetizer.

I used the Southern Corn Bread recipe from Joy of Cooking (75th anniversary edition, page 632). It was really fun to see the batter start cooking as soon as I poured it in the hot pyrex dish. It smelled delicious too!

The stuffing recipe also came from Joy of Cooking: Bread Stuffing with Giblets (page 534). I replaced the chopped nuts with a jar of chestnuts, cut in 2–3 pieces each, and chose the "sausage meat" option (using mild Italian sausage). We followed Alton Brown's advice and didn't actually stuff the turkey, but baked the stuffing (or is it dressing in that case?) separately.

Alton Brown also provided the secrets to a delicious turkey roast. We brined a 13-lbs all-natural, free range turkey (from Diestel Ranch) in our biggest cooler for 24 hours (after thawing it for about a day in the fridge), then roasted it for about 2.5 hours.

We replaced allspice berries with cinnamon and nutmeg in the brine (just because we didn't have any allspice).

My friend Susyn had sent me her cranberry relish and candied yam recipes, which her mother and grandmother had passed on to her. I felt very honored to be given such treasures. 

The relish was simply a raw mix of cranberries and navel oranges, with a little bit of brown sugar. It was amazingly refreshing.

The yams were boiled then sliced and covered with a sauce made of caramelized navel orange zest, juice, and brown sugar.

Susyn had said "yams, not sweet potatoes," but I couldn't resist the temptation to try different types of yams. From left to right in the upper left corner picture: Japanese yam, Hannah yam, Jewel yam, and Garnet yam. (In the lower right corner picture: Hannah, Jewel, Garnet, Japanese.) I believe that Garnet yam is the most traditional one. 

The last side dish was Brussels sprouts. We found our inspiration in Jerry James Stone's recipe on KQED's Bay Area Bites. Instead of baking the tiny cabbages on skewers, we simply steamed them in a pressure cooker for a few minutes, then sautéed them in a pan with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and pine nuts, and added freshly grated parmesan cheese at the last minute.

The appetizer was a radicchio salad with pecan nuts and a honey vinaigrette dressing. This was Pierre's invention, and a very fresh and light start to a copious dinner. 

There was one bit of Frenchness in this meal... Did you see the wine bottle? It was a 1999 Gevrey-Chambertin (from Côte d'Or, near Burgundy), which we had bought at the château several years ago, during a vacation there with my parents. There wasn't a better occasion than this family reunion in our country of adoption to open this little gem.

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I accidentally made my best crepes ever

It was last weekend, a few days after la Chandeleur, the French "crepe day." I had made the batter around 4pm on Saturday, thinking that we would have the crepes for dinner that evening. Since the batter needs a couple hours of rest at room temperature, I left it on the kitchen counter while we visited our new friends, a family we met through preschool. But kids and parents alike had such a good time that we decided to end the day at the restaurant all together. I figured that the crepes could wait another day. On the way back from dinner, I put the bowl of batter in the fridge until Sunday's lunch. And what a lunch we had!

Making crepes is a bit like making jam, as far as I'm concerned: as simple as the recipe might be, something always goes wrong, and I never know what it is. Crepes end up being too thick, jam overcooks... It's an art much more than it is a science. Successes always seem like miracles. 

On Saturday, although I always prepare the batter with a wooden spoon and a manual whisk (and a fair amount of elbow grease), I decided to try using my shiny but seldom used stand mixer for a change. I weighed the flour into the mixing bowl, pushed the flour to the sides and added the beaten eggs in the center, then mixed a bit with a wooden spoon (see, I can't help it), letting the flour fall in little by little. I added the milk, oil, and salt. Then off to the mixer, on slow rotation, with the wire whip attachment (rather than the flat beater). After a minute or two, the batter was homogeneous. I then slowly poured in a bottle of beer and let the mixer do its magic for another couple of minutes. I covered the bowl of batter with a sheet of paper towel and let it stand at room temperature for roughly 5 hours, then in the fridge for another 15 hours or so. Did the extra night of fermentation do the trick? Was the mechanical whisking more efficient than the manual? Did I use more liquid than usual? Was it wiser to use a paper towel than a kitchen cloth? I don't really know.

When I took the bowl out of the fridge, the batter was quite liquid—something my cookbook said I didn't want. But the crepes ended up being perfect : thin and fluffy. They reminded me of the marvelous crepes I devoured in Brittany as a kid. (Brittany is where crepes originated. Bretons make their crepes very thin, almost like dentelle (lace), another of their renowned specialties.) But they also had that subtle fermented taste of South-Indian dosas (which are made of fermented rice and lentil flour). A great combination.

After a few savory crepes filled with French ham, mushrooms (sautéed in butter) and grated Emmentaler, I spread another one with redcurrant jelly, which I just happened to find in a gourmet store. This long forgotten taste brought me right back to my grandmother's house. She had several bushes of redcurrants in her backyard, and we would help her harvest les groseilles every year. She would make the most delicious jelly, in a giant copper pan (bassine a confiture), and covered each jar with a paper soaked in paraffin wax for better preservation, so we could enjoy the jelly all year round.

What a pleasure to accidentally make crepes that would remind me of such fond memories.

For 12 large crepes, 2 hours to 1 day in advance:

• 250 grams flour 
• 3 whole eggs, beaten
• 1/4 liter whole milk
• 3 tablespoons sunflower oil
• 2 or 3 pinches (about 1/2 teaspoon) salt
• 11.2 oz (one bottle, about 1/3 liter) Kronenbourg 1664 beer, a pale lager from Alsace, or any other mild-tasting beer

1. Mix all the ingredients slowly, in the order of the above list, until obtaining a smooth and runny (but not totally liquid) batter. 
2. Let the batter rest at room temperature for at least 2 hours, covered with a paper or kitchen towel, then optionally in the fridge for up to a day.
3. Heat up a large flat non-stick pan (ideally a crepe pan, but a frying pan does the job too) on medium-high heat. 
4. Carefully wipe the whole pan with a paper towel on which you have poured a little bit of high-heat resistant oil, such as sunflower oil.
5. Once the pan is hot, pour one laddle of batter in the center of the pan and quickly tilt the pan in a circular motion to cover the whole pan with batter. (The first crepe never looks good...)
6. When the edges of the crepe start lifting up or change color (it should take a minute or less), flip the crepe with a long spatula. Cook the second side for another 20 seconds to one minute.
7. Stack the crepes on a plate, or eat them as soon as they are ready.

I gave some filling ideas in this earlier post.

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