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Showing posts with label 2016 Olympics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2016 Olympics. Show all posts

Betrunken: Your Unofficial Drinking Game for Women's Gymnastics at Rio 2016

21:29  , ,  No comments


Heart palpitations. Sweaty palms. Nervous diarrhea. These are the slings and arrows of a gymnastics fan during the Olympics.

But I'll let you in on an old Soviet secret: alcohol makes everything better. At least, that's what Valentina Rodionenko told me in a dream last night, and everything that comes out of Valentina's mouth is true. (*Cough* Nabieva's perpetual retirement. *Cough*)

So, grab a couple friends and a whole lot of alcohol, and win that Olympic gold medal in drinking. YOU CAN DO IT!



If you don't know who Larisa Latynina is, take a big gulp.




If you don't know how many Olympic medals Larisa Latynina won, take 18 gulps.



If you can't name all the female gymnasts on the Chinese Olympic team, who are you? What are your priorities in life? And why aren't you taking a shot?




If this advertisement of Nastia and her fiancΓ©, Matt, makes you question your sexuality, good. It should. You're invited to my house to drink.





All right, that was your podium training. Now, you're ready to start the drinking game…



It's time to go 4 for 4, and trust in your training, and just be best friends…




Whenever you see your favorite gymnast, pump your fist in the air and yell the gymnast's name. Then, take three sips and pretend like nothing happened.






If you signed the Change.org petition for Laurie, throw alcohol in your eyes. The gymternet has hit peak crazy.



I'm not saying that Laurie is a bad gymnast. I understand where all these feelings are coming from, but a Change.org petition is a bit much.


Every time someone does a wolf turn, pop a squat. Last person squatting has to do a shot.







What's that? A view of Cristo Redentor on your screen? Stand up, throw your arms out to the side, and do your best Arthur Nory impression.




Waterfall during any fluff piece. To up your difficulty score, connect your waterfall to crying for +0.3 CV.





If someone confuses the Downies, throw your drink at the person.






If someone confuses Gabby and Simone, spit your drink in the person's face.







Eff your life. Someone asks, "Where's McKayla Maroney?" That person is cut off. Done. Never invited to another party.





Any use of the word "fire" or a fire metaphor = Drink.


Examples: "She has fire in her eyes" or "That was a dumpster fire."


Any comparison to one of those silly ball sports = Drink.


Examples: "She's the Michael Jordan of gymnastics."


Take a drink for every gymnast who gets two-per-countried out of a final.



Whenever there's dramatic breath-ography or theatric arm waving, take a shot and yell, "But it's soooooooo artistic!"


Yes, I realize that this gif is not from a routine. I'm just giving you an example of what it might look like.



During commercial breaks, play choreography charades. You do the gymnast's famous choreography. Your team guesses the gymnast.




If a gymnast sprints halfway across the floor for a leap, run a lap around your living room. It'll help you sober up.






If you use a nickname that is unrelated to a gymnast's birth name, take a shot while your friends whip you with wet noodles.


Examples include: Pocket Rocket, Grandma, the Queen, Fierce Five, Flying Squirrel, Baby Shakira, GlamSquad, etc.


If a gymnast performs to an overused piece of music (e.g. Moulin Rouge, Carmen, Requiem for a Dream, etc.), finish your drink.






When someone (perhaps International Gymnast) spreads rumors, stand up and shout, "HOW DARE YOU!" Then, take a drink and stare at your computer with Mustafina murder eyes.




Any time someone comments on a gymnast's hair, yell, "AIMEE BOORMAN'S HAIR IS BETTER!" And take a drink for Aimee.




Not sure how to watch? Elizabeth Grimsley has you covered.

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Borracho: Your Unofficial Drinking Game for Men's Gymnastics at the Rio Olympics

19:06  , , , , , , , ,  No comments


Men's gymnastics meets are the best. But they're also several hours long, which means that they can be a little exhausting for the average joe, especially if you're sitting through a full day of qualifications.

But I'll let you in on an old Soviet secret: alcohol makes everything better. So, grab a couple friends and a whole lot of alcohol, and win that Olympic gold medal in drinking. YOU CAN DO IT!


If you can't name every member of the Japanese men's team, take a big gulp for each gymnast you can't name.



WTF. These photos even make Ryohei Kato look bad!


If you don't know the difference between a Tsukahara and a Kasamatsu on vault, take another big gulp.



If you didn't know how many Olympic medals Nikolai Andrianov won, take 15 gulps.


Yup, he won 15 Olympic medals.


All right, now, you're ready to start the drinking game…


It's time to go 6 for 6, and trust in your training…


Chug your drink any time you see a commercial for MORE Olympics coverage during a commercial break. #Meta





What's that? A view of Cristo Redentor on your screen? Stand up, throw your arms out to the side, and yell, "I'm Nastia… I mean, I'm Jesus!"


If you saw the 2012 Kellogg's Tour, you'll know what I'm talking about.



It starts around 2:16. This video does not do Nastia's Jesus moment justice.


Whenever a gymnast does a man wipe on floor, stand up on your chair, and man wipe like you're about to win the Olympic floor final. After dismounting your chair, salute the judges, sit down, and have a drink. You earned it, champ.


For the uninitiated in the ways of the wipe, we're not talking about these moist toilettes for your man bits.



We're talking about this.



If Kohei Uchimura shows up on your screen, don't drink. Play Pokemon Go.


It's not like he's good at gymnastics or anything. Why would you want to watch someone who made a name for himself by running up a $5,000 cell phone bill? Sad.



If a gymnast falls on high bar, drink until he remounts the apparatus.




Forced to watch someone chalk up? Waterfall drink until it's over.


You're going to die whenever the U.S. goes to parallel bars…



If your friends openly admit to liking Louis Smith's man bun, throw your drink at them.


A photo posted by GymCastic Podcast (@gymcastic) on



If a friend passes out during the meet, shave a Sam Mikulak-style flag into the side of his or her head.





During commercial breaks, play charades, and reenact your favorite Olympic moments of all times. The losing team has to clean up at the end of the night.



When a skill scares you, take a shot. Drinking is the original Xanax.



When a skill terrifies you, take two shots. Clearly, that first shot didn't work.



When death seems imminent, drink everything in sight.


IGOR!


Every time the broadcast shows a team huddle, fly into a huddle in your living room. Last person in the huddle has to take a drink.




Whenever there's marching, form a line in your living room. First person in line gets to choose what the last person in line has to drink.





If someone explains the scoring system to you, roll your eyes, huff loudly, and take a very large gulp.



If a gymnast falls off pommel horse, throw yourself to the ground out of sympathy. Have a drink for that poor lad while you're lying on the floor.


If you believe in artistry, fall gracefully with pointed toes. Otherwise, swear like you're Yin Alvarez as you drop to the ground.



Whenever Jake Dalton flexes his Corgi-sized biceps, take two sips – one for each bicep.


If Jake's not competing, feel free to swap in Sam Mikulak, Fabian Hambuechen, Igor Radivilov, etc. etc. etc. Anyone whose biceps are bigger than your head.




Men hugging? Sweet. Cuddle with the dude next to you, and take a bromance shot together. 



Make sure your arms are intertwined like pretzels, and you stare longingly into each others' eyes.





At the end of the competition, write a drunken fan letter to your favorite gymnast. Take a picture of it. And post it on social media. (Try to remember not to tag your favorite gymnast. That would be awkward.)




Not sure how to watch the Olympics? Check here for details.

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Did Russia Break the IOC's Rules for Ivan Stretovich? Probably, But Does It Matter?

22:55  , , , ,  No comments

Baby Stretovich!

Today, Valentina Rodionenko confirmed that Ivan Stretovich would replace Nikita Ignatyev at the Olympics. The reason given: Stretovich was performing better than Ignatyev in training.

Seems like a good coaching decision, right? After all, you want your best gymnasts to compete.

But here's the thing: If Valentina's explanation is accurate, the swapping of athletes should be seen as a violation of the IOC's Late Athlete Replacement (LAR) Policy.


 What Are the IOC's Rules?


First things first, we have to recognize that the IOC rules are in play – not the FIG's rules. Some gymnastics fans confuse this. As the FIG's Technical Rules state, "For the OG [Olympic Games] and YOG [Youth Olympic Games], IOC rules apply."

And the IOC rules are pretty strict. They read:

From 19 July 2016 00.00 Rio de Janeiro time (GMT-3) the Rio 2016 Organising Committee for the Olympic and Paralympic Games (Rio 2016) may authorise a permanent replacement of an athlete by another athlete in the same sport, discipline, and event.

Okay, we're good so far. This is happening after July 19, 2016, and we don't have a rower replacing an artistic gymnast. Ivan Stretovich is replacing a fellow artistic gymnast. No broken rules so far. Let's go on…

Each decision will be made after consultation with the relevant International Federation (IF) [in our case, the FIG] and its respective medical expert and, when deemed appropriate, the International Olympic Committee (IOC). Such replacement will only occur when there are urgent medical conditions preventing participation of an athlete, or otherwise on a case-by-case basis for exceptional circumstances.

Can you see the problem here? As far as we know, Nikita Ignatyev does not have an urgent medical condition that is preventing him from competing, nor are there exceptional circumstances that we know of. He simply wasn't hitting in training. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Sounds like a rule violation to me.

Side note to those who are sticklers about rules: If you're going to sub an alternate, it needs to be done "24 hours prior to the beginning of Competition I (qualifications)." /side note

Should We Care That the Rules Were Seemingly Violated?


I'm sure that everyone has their opinions. Some will say that rules are rules. Others might point to the fact that VTB, a Russian bank, is one of the FIG's major sponsors. So, of course, the FIG would allow Russia to do whatever Russia wants, or so that line of reasoning goes. Still others will defend Russia's decision because it is a logical decision – regardless of what the rules say. And of course, if Russia medals in the team competition, many gymnastics fans will suddenly care, and they will care A LOT.

I'll admit, under different circumstances, I'd care about this rule infraction. In fact, I'd care so much that I'd fire a tweet storm at the IOC. But the 2016 Olympics are happening under exceptional circumstances, and I'm getting to the point where I can't even even.

Here we are. It's the night before podium training, and we still don't know if Russia will be allowed to compete at the Olympic Games.* At this point, does it really matter if the LAR Policy wasn't upheld? Wouldn't you rather know if Stretovich and his teammates will be allowed to compete – like, at all?

The Russian gymnasts' fates are in the IOC's hands, and it feels like the IOC keeps changing the rules. First, the International Federations were in charge. Now, a committee of three IOC members are overseeing the Russian doping crisis. It feels like the IOC is just making things up as they go.

As a gymnastics fan, I laugh so that I don't cry. Remember when Bruno Grandi said that the judging debacles of the 2004 Athens Olympics "discredited our sport?" Well, the IOC is having its Athens this year, and the IOC is on the verge of discrediting the entire Olympic movement.

Get. It. Together.

* Yes, Vasily Titov, the VP of the FIG, said that the Russians would be able to compete, but his statement was not official.

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