The Designated Drunk: Your 2016 American Cup Drinking Game

As usual, play at your own risk!

Take A Big Gulp Whenever…

• Al Trautwig fucks up Nastia Liukin's name on air. (He does it at least once per broadcast.)
   
• It sounds like Nastia is whispering into the microphone.
   
• Al Trautwig makes an awkward comment on a gymnast's body. For example, "Look at the muscles in her forearms absolutely rippling."
   
• Nastia and Tim begin to reminisce about the glory days when they still wore grips and leotards.
   
• Tim Daggett says, "That's bad."
   
• Tim Daggett says, "Not good."
   
• Tim Daggett says, "Let's see here."
   
• A commentator uses the word "prestigious" to describe this meet.
   
• A commentator mentions the word "Olympics." (You're going to be so drunk. Happy Saturday!)
   
• Someone on social media calls Carlotta Ferlito a racist.
   
• Someone on social media says that the Americans were overscored.
   
• Someone on social media says that Gabby threw shade at Sophina and her floor routine.
  

  @GymCastic tell the Gymternet that if they think any of the elites were hating on NCAAs today in the mix zone, they're dead ass wrong.

  — Will Graves (@WillGravesAP) March 3, 2016

• A gymnast does an aerial front walkover.
   
• A male gymnast does a double pike dismount off parallel bars.
   
• A female gymnast does a double pike on floor.
   
• A gymnast does a stalder.
   
• A gymnast does a vault with some twists. (I'm trying to get you drunk, if you can't tell.)
   
• Nastia tries to comment on men's gymnastics and fails.

Finish Your Drink When…

• The broadcast opens with a view of the Prudential Center, followed by a shot of Gabby Douglas winning the 2012 all-around title.
   
• Nile Wilson is bumped from the competition. Because Max Whitlock. (Seriously, if this comes true, I will die of a rage stroke.)
   
• A commentator mentions the Fierce 5.
   
• A commentator talks about McKayla Maroney saying goodbye to competition. (Tears make for a great mixer.)
   
• A commentator talks about Kyla Ross retiring from elite gymnastics. (SLOPPY. TEARS. are an even better mixer.)
   
• Gabby Douglas talks about Simone Biles pushing her.
   
• The camera awkwardly pans to a gymnast's butt or crotch.
   
• A commentator mentions the Amanar, even though no one is competing the vault at this meet.
   
• A male gymnast does the "man wipe" in the corner before his final tumbling pass. He probably could use a drink right now, so you probably should help him out.
   
• A female gymnast does a leap out of a tumbling pass. (Warning: If she goes out of bounds on that leap, you should probably giggle and then have two drinks.)
   
• You see a ring leap that you wouldn't want to put a ring on. (Gabby on beam. There, I said it.)
  
• A part of you misses seeing Aimee Boorman and her perfect hair on your screen.
  

  @yoEv how's my hair??? pic.twitter.com/4UusV9M5G1

  — Aimee B (@Salto_Coach) March 3, 2016

Take Three Big Gulps When…

• The Holy Trinity of the American Cup appears on your screen – Mary Lou Retton (Father), Carly Patterson (Son), and Nastia Liukin (Holy Ghost).

For the Designated Drunks out There, Chug Whenever…

• Tim Daggett says the word "tenth" or "tenths."

 Suggested Drinks

• New Jersey's blueberry wine -- because the sweetest year is the Olympic year.
• New Jersey's Applejack -- because who doesn't want to watch jacked gymnasts perform incredible feats, while you get so drunk that you can barely walk? #LifeGoals
• Jack Rose -- because hot pink nation.

How to Watch the 2016 American Cup

• Competition: Saturday, March 5
• 11:30am-1pm ET, liveextra.nbcsports.com
• 1pm-3pm ET, NBC

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Round 'Em up, Boys: Articles, Videos, and other Tidbits from 2015 Worlds - October 19, 2015

When it comes to the World Championships, the gymternet blows up. Sign onto Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, or Instagram, and you'll find doctoral dissertations analyzing a single photo and what it means for team lineups.

On the men's side, though, it's much harder to find information. You gotta go looking for it, and in many cases, you need Google translate to find the good stuff.

So, I thought that I'd round up everything that I've been reading and watching and put them into blogs during Worlds. Here's what I came across today…


1. Every listicle should start with Fabian Hambiceps.

Baby Fabian was so adorable. Here he is with his ex-girlfriend in 2008:

2. Alexei Nemov hopes that Russia can take third behind China and Japan. He has high hopes for Denis Ablyazin on floor, vault, and rings. (No duh!)

You might recall that Denis won gold on floor last year – beating Super Twisty Kenzo Shirai. In Nanning, Denis was the bronze medalist on rings, as well.

3. The Brazilian press is reporting that Diego Hypólito will be the alternate for Brazil.

That's gotta suck for him. He was slated to be the alternate in 2014, as well, but he was added to the team at the last minute. Then, surprise! He won bronze on floor!

At any rate, the team is said to be: Arthur Nory, Arthur Zanetti, Caio Souza, Francisco Barreto Júnior, Lucas Bittencourt, and Péricles Silva.

Reminder: Sergio Sasaki, one of Brazil's key contributors, is out with a knee injury. Ironically, he sustained that knee injury in Glasgow.


4. Oleg Verniaiev just got a new floor mat! PRAISE THE GYM GODS!

It's a mighty fine floor, I might add. Have you ever seen sexier foam?

Alas, it looks like they could use a new pommel horse, too. (But beggars can't be choosers.) Here are a few shots from inside his gym:

5. Speaking of Oleg… There haven't been too many training videos of the men, but Tim Daggett did post one of Oleg. Thank you, Timmy!

pic.twitter.com/BUqB6Bdvfs

— tim daggett (@timdaggettnbc) October 19, 2015

6. Prior to Worlds, the Chinese team was training in Paris. Cheng Ran, a member of China's gold-medal-winning team in 2014, was sent home. It's unclear why.

Update! Never mind. Elizabeth figured it out! :-)

@uncletimmensgym perhaps Cheng ran away?

— Elizabeth Booth (@RussianGymnast) October 20, 2015

7. Sam Oldham opens up about not making the World Team. At a training camp in Portugal, he sustained an injury to his lat, and at the London Open, he had a small tear in his Plantaris. Best of luck, Bud!

8. Friendly Reminder: Kohei Uchimura apparently has had left shoulder problems. We'll see if that comes into play.

9. The IOC did a lovely fluff piece on Kohei. Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

"It's not about winning gold at the Olympics, or winning gold at the World Championships. I've already done those things."

"The result doesn't matter; it's really about performing in a way that I'm satisfied with."

10. The meet organizers need to figure out this lighting situation! Lights are exploding! And if a piece of glass cuts my Oleg, I'll cut a bitch.

A loud boom in the arena as a bulb in this performance lit arena explodes. All ok #Glasgow2015 pic.twitter.com/SEsVvaBuxS

— tim daggett (@timdaggettnbc) October 19, 2015

11. Deus meu! Somehow, I feel like there's not going to be a lot of sleeping in this hotel room.

Arrived at Glasgow🇬🇧 Me & @brinnbevan settling in 🏢💪🏼

A photo posted by Nile Wilson (@nilemw) on Oct 19, 2015 at 11:21am PDT

12. Oh, and if you're really behind on your men's gymnastics news, Sam Mikulak is out with a slight Achilles tear.

Slight tear in my Achilles 😔 Luckily I have a wonderful and supportive family here in Cali to cheer me up 😎☀️ pic.twitter.com/niSzCB4HEW

— Sam Mikulak (@SamuelMikulak) October 11, 2015

13. Again, if you're behind on your MAG news, Slovenian gymnast Mitja Petkovšek has retired. He was the 2005 and 2007 world champion on parallel bars, and I was hoping to see him again in Glasgow.

Bonus: Lord of the Rings, Chen Yibing, is an adorable daddy.

What have you been reading? Leave a comment below!

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